10 jobs I could nail thanks to my 5 years Muma experience

1) Waitress – think Wimpy, not La Gavroche.

2) Uber cab driver, USP: Providing a 3 course meal whilst in transit. Will that be the crusts off marmite on white or the mini chedder’s sir?
3) Hostage negotiator: If I can talk a Toddler in arsehole mode down from throwing a cold cup of coffee over cream carpet…
4) Cleaner: speciality tool, wet wipes. Kitchens, bathrooms, walls, arses. I got this…
5) Community police officer: you really don’t want to be leaving your dog’s shit on the pavement or park in the Toddler / Muma spaces on my watch.
6) Laundrette skive, is that Dot Cotton or me? Blurred lines.
7) Teaching assistant, I haven’t suffered at the hands of an enthusiastic 4 year old armed with a Biff n Chip book for nothing, and don’t even get me started on the ‘Pen Licence.’
8) Risk assessor: Stairs, streams, fire pits, ovens, big dogs, small yappy dogs, busy roads, quiet roads, bees, spicy food… you name it, I’ve risk assessed it.
9) Red Coat: entertainment covered 12 hrs a day, special skill: leading a dance off whilst folding washing, singing just like Adele. No lies.
10) Chef, speciality diets: no beans for one, only carrots for the other, no courgettes peppers or spice on another. No carbs, low carbs, only ‘good’ carbs. Gluten free, meat free, extra meat. Only meat. No sauce meat balls, naked pasta… with ham sprinkled on top of everything.

Have I left any out girls? Let me know…

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

11 thoughts on “10 jobs I could nail thanks to my 5 years Muma experience

  1. PA? (Hold bags before and after school, organise playdates, remember friend’s birthday parties and presents etc) Events Organiser? (Birthdays, Father’s day, sometimes even Mother’s day) Dance Mum? (Trying to ensure that bun is in place, tap and ballet shoes are in bag + of course snack and entertainment) Nurse/Doctor? (Muuummyyy I am bleeding!!!) Banker? Food dispenser? Oracle? (Where is my rabbit/monkey/teddy/phone/sock/head?)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love that Jancy!! I think I need a pay rise: there is no end to our talents!! Defo going to consider running for PM now.


  2. Ahaha I love this. We are a multi talented bunch for sure. The other suggestions are great – detective, referee and PA, genius! I think ninja too, I am currently in separation anxiety territory and whenever he can see me he cries if I am not with him. So I have to skirt round corners of rooms to tidy things up without him noticing and run past open doorways before he can see me. Ridiculous!!! #FridayFrolics

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is brilliant! I have to be a ninja when my girls are happily playing together: DO NOT SHOW YOUR FACE or they will DEMAND I take part and pretend to be The Mum in the mums n dads game. Even though I’m already The Mum. How dull! They never let me play at being The Baby 👏😜😜😜.


  3. Haha, all very true. Especially the Uber one. I am constantly throwing coco pops (without the milk!), breadsticks, over my shoulder and into the back of the car. I’m not very good at cleaning the car up afterwards though. Whoops. Thanks for linking up with us at #FridayFrolics

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am literally just clearing out the car now: trodden in custard creams, 6 odd socks, 2 pairs of shoes, 1 odd shoe, 3 coats, 4 juice bottles, a watch, and a partridge in a pear tree!! 🙈🙈🙈😱

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Super post, this! All so true. Add to that Lego Maestro and Information Expert at malls – we mums always know exactly where the lifts and baby changing rooms are!

    Liked by 1 person

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