Marriage. Whose idea was that?

by Muma on the Edge, posted in Adulting, kids, Life, marriage, Uncategorized

If you think about it, the idea of Marriage is actually quite absurd.
Meet a boy, fall in love, have adventures, lazy Sundays; Make memories. Get married, settle down, throw a Toddlermonster or 2 into the mix and before long you can barely recognise yourselves.
“I really fancy you with poo on your neck, said no spouse, ever.”

What can prepare us for spending a lifetime with one person? What if your parenting styles don’t match? There’s no way you can possibly try before you buy on that front.
What if your career aspirations take you in totally different directions? What if one of you turns out to be a miserable sod? And what about those little foibles we all have? Be it a nervous cough, or the inability to cook, or a Dad-joke back catalogue which sees you cringe into your Daquari. All of which were sweet at first, but now drive you to the edge (or the Bacardi bottle).
It sort of like this: finally getting your hands on a once in a lifetime vintage Chanel bag. It’s gorgeous, frankly it’s love at first sight. It sleeps next to you, accompanies you to the best of occasions, you are frankly inseparable. You wear it proud on your arm, but the years roll by, and although it’s still your best most prized precious, the novelty has worn off. It’s been with you as you puke up in the bar loos, realising you are not 21 anymore and cannot drink more than a few glasses of wine. It’s been there during laughs and heated debates. It’s seen your best and worst, but now you have kids and their stash of essentials no long fits into your beloved Chanel. Weep.
Clearly there is only one thing for it: time to invest in a bigger and better, but I’m still in the marriage analogy, and upgrades are not part of this deal.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that being parents, AND keeping your marriage alive and kicking is hard. Really bloody hard. Navigating our way through life, raising humans and doing it together in perfect harmony is surely an unrealistic goal.

Maybe we should all get married in our mismatched PJ’s, 3-days-post-hair-wash and a seriously sadistic case of PMT. This realistic approach would set us up for the institution of Marriage a lot better than a beautiful unstained gown, a face of professional make up, a room full of people who are being kind and complimentary, all washed down with free flowing booze and food that has not been microwaved.

***

As my husband says ‘Teamwork always pays off’. I guess if you can still raise a smile to each other after 5 years of sleep deprivation and somehow fancy each other (occasionally) despite the extra pounds and hairy legs. If you can bring yourself to still be kind even when you really just want to drop the C bomb. If you can bite your tongue rather than criticise the way they staked the dishwasher. If you can still high-five the hell out of life…
If you can, then that’s good enough. That’s Love.
That’s my marriage with kids.

3 Little Buttons
Mummuddlingthrough
Life Love and Dirty Dishes
DomesticatedMomster

 

52 thoughts on “Marriage. Whose idea was that?”

  2. Pingback: Marriage. Whose Idea What That? | Making Time For Me

  3. Your marriage with kids sounds more than good enough to me! We’ve been together for 22 years this year (which quite frankly makes me feel ancient) and you’d think I’d have a nugget or two of good advice on this, wouldn’t you? But all I would say is be kind to each other. Even when you don’t want to be. In fact, especially when you don’t want to be! Ha!

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  4. Love this post! A perfect mix of honest and funny! Everyone who is human and married can relate to this. I laughed out loud at “a beautiful unstained gown, a face of professional make up, a room full of people who are being kind and complimentary, all washed down with free flowing booze and food that has not been microwaved”….Cos it’s so true and I hadn’t thought of it like that before!! Haha!!! Tilly @ Mummy Rules xxx

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  6. Haha, my parents and my parents in law both say marriage is the hardest thing you’ll ever do and the best thing you’ll ever do. I think maybe they’re right. #coolmumclub

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  7. such a great post from start to finish. My favourite line ‘Maybe we should all get married in our mismatched PJ’s, 3-days-post-hair-wash and a seriously sadistic case of PMT’ – just brilliant! #CoolMumClub ps gorgeous family photo by the way so something obviously working!!

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  9. I think we need to teach people to be open about the nitty gritty BEFORE they get married. I know you can’t prepare for everything, but I don’t think people should get married until they’re comfortable enough with each other to be able to share everything. When hubby and I were dating, I was really ill and desperately depressed as a result. It was a dreadful time for us, but we knew that if we could love each other through that, we could love each other through anything. We’ve been together for wonderful 11 years now and love each other more than ever 🙂 #coolmumclub

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    1. That is such a lovely story! 💗 I’m sorry you were poorly though, of course. You are right: a nitty gritty guide to marriage is what’s needed haha! Xxx

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  11. Ha – I needed to read this after totally losing it with the hubster over ANOTHER wet towel left on the bed incident this morning! Wet towel or no wet towel, I’m keeping him for better for worse. xx
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely – hope you had a fab summer!

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    1. It’s just so easy to loose it when basic levels of domestic harmony are not met 😂. And don’t even get me started on clothes left ON THE LID of the wash bin. I mean, what is that?! Xxx

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  12. LOVE this post! Those husbands better bloody fancy us with poo on our necks! Yep, marriage can be hard but so is life. Thanks for allowing us to see the nitty gritty of marriage. Like you say a good marriage should be about team work. Thanks for linking up #FridayFrolics

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  15. I have nodded along all the way through this! Nothing sucks the romance out of a relationship faster than discussing post partum bowel movements with your beloved whilst totally sleep deprived, un-showered and smelling of baby sick. We don’t advertise those bits on a first date do we? I think what replaces it can be pretty special too though 🙂 Lovely post xx #coolmumclub

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  16. Pingback: Marriage. Whose Idea Was That? | Making Time For Me

  19. I know what you mean? Weddings don’t capture the reality of marriage in a way that really reflects marriage, and marriage with children is quite some work. It took ages for me to accept that I had to work at marriage; I would have definitely liked to be a walk in the park. And getting married in PJs – it will definitely be cheaper and less stressful 🙂

    Thoughtful post 🙂 #TwinklyTuesday

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  20. I love this post, it’s honest, funny and touching at the same time. I am just going through my second divorce and would actually LOVE to have had the chance of this kind of marriage. The kind where you’re a team, in it together through thick, thin and baby sick. Sounds like true love to me. Tor xx

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    1. What a lovely comment! Thank you- that really means a lot.
      I hope your divorce goes as smooth as possible. Everything happens for a reason: anything is possible xxxx

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  21. Ah it’s always refreshing to see a truthful warts and all post about parenting. It is tough when it comes to raising a family and a lot of the fun things you both enjoyed pre-kids get sidelined. #twinklytuesday

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  22. I love how you have been so honest in this post. I wonder what Mr Button would have thought if I turned up in pjs to our wedding 😂. Knowing him, he would probably have complained that I hadn’t told him that he could wear his. I agree that team work is so important. Thank you for sharing with the #dreamteam X

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  23. I love how you have been so honest in this post. I wonder what Mr Button would have thought if I turned up in pjs to our wedding 😂. Knowing him, he would probably have complained that I hadn’t told him that he could wear his. I agree that team work is so important. Thank you for sharing with the #dreamteam X

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  27. I love this and can currently relate to it on so many levels. How does a couple sustain a relationship *thinks of saying sex here* while trying to raise kids, work, and keep a house? It’s truly a minute by minute struggle for me some days. But others it can be quite nice. Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink and for your patience on my very behind schedule of commenting.

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  28. Pingback: Marriage. Whose idea was that? — – MARITAL STATUS AND STYLE

  29. Thanks for keeping it real! I recently celebrated my aunt and uncle’s wedding anniversary and when asked their secret to a happy marriage they said 1) never go to bed on an argument and 2) we never fell out of love at the same time. We are still working on no. 1 but I thought the second piece of ‘advice’ was so realistic! I love your approach too. You aren’t doing half bad lady!

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    1. I love that- never fall out of love at the same time! That’s actually genius. I’m stealing that piece of advice for sure xxx

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  30. Marriage requires falling in love many times and date nights. I prefer date weekends but that is hard when the kids are small. Also take some time to nurture yourself every damn day because you are worth it!!

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  32. Pingback: Marriage. Whose idea was that? — Muma On The Edge – Journal Edge

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