Best of the Rest No.1

#BestoftheRest

Well hello and welcome to yet another new weekly feature for 2017 on the blog!

As most of you are probably well aware by now I lurrrrve blogging; As time has gone on I have found that one of the best things about writing my blog is something I least expected: meeting incredible bloggers writing hilarious, poignant and frankly kick arse content for the world to read.

So I thought it was about time I shared my favourite nuggets of blog gold with you!

We are kicking off the totally fabulous and actual genius, Dawn from Rhyming with Wine . Somehow Dawn has surpassed the Rosies are Red, Violets are Blue style of rhyme and turned it into addictive hilarity! – Most of which have been known to make me snort out loud. Dawn’s unique dry wit is basically right up my street!

This particular post sees Dawn as a total Muma on the Edge, it had my husband and I howling with laughter. I’m so glad that Dawn has let me feature this classic in the debut #BestoftheRest series.

Mumas, I give you, CODE BROWN! 

rhyming-with-wine

Code Brown!

…What are you up to? I cautiously shout.
Whilst wrestling my battered old make up bag out.

The boy hears this rustle and comes bounding in,
Climbs onto the duvet to rummage within.

But hang on a moment… I pause, squint and frown.

What the hell is that?

… and why is it brown?

A few possibilities swim round my head,
The last of them being: He’s shat on my bed!

I freeze for a minute and blink once or twice,
Wracking my brain for some form of advice.

Then hoist the young poop machine into the air,
Whilst trying to avoid getting turd everywhere.

He’s plonked in the bath. Right.
Okay then.
What now?
I use my right elbow to sweep hair from brow.

The boy is disgruntled,  his patience worn thin.
With no one to help me.
I just get stuck in.

Down come the trousers and up goes his top.
The tot disapproves with a huge screeching strop.

Despite being careful it’s now in his hair,
And all down his legs with great artistic flair.

“OK to the shower!” I hysterically laugh,
Whilst leaving both PJs and poo in the bath.

I shout for some wipes to help tame all the sh1t.
… Miss Tot wanders in with a nail grooming kit?

Lord Poo Pants protests as I shower him down,
Hosing away any traces of brown.

Then he’s wrapped in a towel as my blood pressure calms.
Despite all the screaming and flailing of arms.

“I’ll just get a wipe!” I can hear Miss Tot cry.
“DON’T TOUCH IT! I’ll sort it as soon as he’s dry!”

“But Mummy he’s done some on Mummy’s bed too!”

*pause while this sinks in*

“I know it’s on my bed.
…Why did you say TOO!?”

I regain composure and put the boy down.
Then nervously seek out Miss Tot with a frown.

“WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS CRAP-SCENE FROM HELL?”
There’s poo on her bed and 3 teddies as well.

So just to be sure and prevent any doubt,
I check The Boy’s bedroom.
Then try not to shout.

“THERE’S POO ON THE CARPET!” I frantically howl.
We have sh1t on 3 duvets, the bath and a towel.

The shower’s a grizzly chaotic scene,
3 teddies have seen things they shouldn’t have seen!

I’m somewhat perturbed and I find it quite strange,
That an infant of 2 has such impressive range!?

He grins with great pride. He was really on form,
To rustle up such a fantastic sh1t storm!

And just if this wasn’t enough of a state.
It’s nursery day – and we’re now running late.

I still have two offspring that need to be fed,
So down to the kitchen they’re hustled and led.

Two cereal bowls are haphazardly served,
While I dash back to clean… leaving both unobserved.

*face palm*

My hand hasn’t quite reached the shower room door,
When the big one shouts up “All his food’s on the floor!”

I race back downstairs – What the bugger is this?
You have got to be kidding or taking the p1ss!?

Not quite yet fulfilled, bless his cute sh1tty pants.
He’s krispied my kitchen.
You know – just for bants’.

…I do not have favourites, as none of us do.
But today little sunshine – today – it’s not you!

I’ve written today off as traumatic farce ,
The incredible antics of Lord sh1tty arse.

But we each shall have days where the sh1t hits the fan,
So we just have to wipe it the best that we can!

Go and visit Dawn’s blog for more brilliantly funny rhymes!

Mummuddlingthrough

Posted by

I am a Muma to 2 little girls, aged 5 & 2. We are seaside dwellers, and I 'only work inside the house' according to my eldest. I love to share the funny side of parenting as well as boldly going where no right minded parents of toddlers would go: to restaurants. Seeking out the most child friendly joints and passing on my findings to all of you to enjoy! I'm basically blogging my way back to sanity!

11 thoughts on “Best of the Rest No.1

  1. You are just the bestist Muma in the world with all the bloglove and everything! Thank you so much for featuring my stuff! Taking your debut spot is an absolute honour and I cannot wait to keep up with this series. My Sundays are about to get a whole lot sparklier! Dxx

    Like

  2. I LOVED this one from Dawn so much – one of my all time fave posts of blogging EVER. I cried with laughter when I read it, and again when I read it out loud to the hubby. Still makes me chuckle just thinking about it. She’s such a ledge.
    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub with this total GOLD

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I literally had my very own code brown moment this evening as the toddler shat through her leggings, down her legs. Into the shower contaminating a school shoe and the brand new arrived today bed cover throw in her wake. #fuckyouthursday

      Dawns rhyme totally got me through this dark moment for sure!! Xxx

      Like

      1. Oh no Muma! Do they literally eyeball the new stuff come through the door and think “yeah, I’ll be shittin on that then!” My eldest vommed across the entire length of a 3 day old rug a while ago. I can neither confirm nor deny cleaning it and then taking it back. 🙊 #faulty. 😂 Thanks for sharing this lovely xx

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