20 Times my Toddler Out-Diva’d Mariah

Behind my toddlers big blue eyes and cotton wool hair lives a Diva, and I don’t use this word lightly. Occasionally Lila fools me into believing she has left the Divahood behind her and is starting a newly reformed existence.

Until I cut her toast into Triangles.

“You moronic human! I only eat triangle toast on Tuesdays. I want  my wellies on! Do I look like a pleb who eats Triangle shaped toast?! Don’t look at me! Where has my TRIANGLE toast gone too?!”

What comes out of her mouth is a protest of such high decibels that our ‘rotund’ Cavapoo  has long assumed that ToddlerMonster is his leader.


Let’s face it, Lila just can’t find the staff these days. I pander to her whims based on a battle to battle evaluation; The bottom line being how prepared I am to deal with a mini-person literally melting onto the carpet, creating a no-go radius of several feet as she kicks out in her latest protest.

I’m now fairly certain that there is a market for Toddler-Tantrums. Think about it – those political rallies, and staged sit-ins are a perfect opportunity to cash in. Throw a Toddler into the mix with the wrong shaped toast and you my friend will have the protest from hell on your hands, and decisions overthrown left right and centre.

Now we all know that Mariah has got herself a little bit of a Diva rep. From dressing room climates, red carpet requests, culinary requirements so specific they make counting calories appear positively dark aged, Mariah is without doubt the world’s No.1 Diva.

Until my Toddler came along.

Here are 20 reasons why ToddlerMonster has out Diva’d Mariah- all with splendid Hollywood style tantrums.

1) The toast thing. You got that though – loud n clear.

2) When you get photo-bombed


3) The blanket I covered her up with whilst she watched a pint sized YouTube star open their Christmas presents – for the 58th time, wasn’t quite covering her left foot.

4) The bath wasn’t filling up fast enough.

5) I offered her a custard cream with the corner missing.


6) She tried to call for extra staff from the house phone and the police turned up.

7) She wanted pink juice in the Lego cup. NOT the spider-man cup. *Tips it out and gives her  juice in updated preference of Lego cup* “I said I want the Spider-man cup”.

8) She washed her hands. And they got wet.

9) Madam wanted to use my Santaku knife during our play-doh Bake-off session.

10) I said ‘Good Morning’ before she was ready.


11) She can no longer fit into the oven part of the toy kitchen.


 12) Baby Annabel wouldn’t sing to her. No amount of explaining Baby Anabelle’s limitations made this OK.
13) Ketchup is Red not Blue. This is not acceptable – I know this from my walls.

 14) It was her sister’s birthday and not her own.


 15) Climbing the stairs is not on her agenda: ever.

 16) Finishing the packet of Percy Pigs – OK, she had a point with this one.

17) The pain au chocolat was delivered to her too hot. “I said warm Mum, WARM. Not hot and not cold” Yes, she who cannot usually string a sentence managed to make that perfectly clear.

18) The sun was in her eyes. She didn’t open them for the duration of that car journey. Her mouth however…

19) I gave her dinner.

20) Murray refused to learn her dance routine: Murray is the dog.

 

Over to you – can your Toddler out-diva mine? Hit me up with your tantrum tales…

 

 

 

Posted by

I am a Muma to 2 little girls, aged 5 & 2. We are seaside dwellers, and I 'only work inside the house' according to my eldest. I love to share the funny side of parenting as well as boldly going where no right minded parents of toddlers would go: to restaurants. Seeking out the most child friendly joints and passing on my findings to all of you to enjoy! I'm basically blogging my way back to sanity!

4 thoughts on “20 Times my Toddler Out-Diva’d Mariah

  1. Haha fantastic! I love the fact she can no longer fit into the play cooker 😄 they are honestly in a world of their own a lot of the time until they get to school and realise there is are other adults whose rules they also have to play by! 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh I have tears!! This is so funny! The Good Morning before she was ready! The sun in her eyes – oh I can imagine! The washing hands – all too funny! Such a fab fab post lovely! Here’s hoping all diva has been removed before she becomes a teen! xx

    Like

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