“What if I fall?”  -“Oh but my darling, what if you fly?”

“What if I fall?”

“Oh but my darling, what if you fly?”

The stakes are high.

‘Falling’ would mean that I have failed; Failed to pass my NCTJ diploma in journalism and failed to re-enter the world of work as a journalist. It will mean a huge waste of money, and thousands of pounds down the pan. It will mean letting down the people I love the most. The disappointed eyes of my children upon me is almost more than I could bare. 

But…

‘Flying’ would mean everything
Flying would mean regaining my independence and my individuality. It will mean pride and it will mean confidence. 
(It will also mean that I managed to pass a 100 word per minute shorthand exam, gulp.)
In September I am going back to school for an entire year, to learn how to be a journalist. My passion for writing is going to morph into a career and I am quite literally tingling with anticipation to get started. 
I’ve discovered this compulsion to write since I started my blog, a passion for word splurging. Quite simply, an addiction to divulging the nitty gritty backstage at the Mum-game. 

My blog has led me to write a monthly column for a local magazine for 8 months now, a goal I never thought possible to reach. When I started this blog back in 2015 after the birth of our second daughter, I never dreamt that my sleep deprived, delirious words would open up this new career path. It just used to make me smirk as I documented The Witching Hour and Soft Play Hell…

I always thought I would stay at home forever.
-But that’s not an option now; Not now I know what I want to be when I grow up.

I have been on ‘mat leave ‘for 7 years. 7 years!! I’ve loved being at home with our girls (most of the time, blog might contradict that…) never having to hesitate when there has been a music show at school or a ‘look at their work’ afternoon. Each time the phone has rung because they are sick, or banged their head I have been at the school office within 5 minutes. Without exception. I’m grateful and thankful that I have been there every step. I haven’t missed a beat. 

I am well aware that ‘flying’ will mean I will be giving that all up. I’ll be in the working Muma club. A working Muma who earns money I might add. There is no doubt that my wardrobe our family will benefit massively from an additional wage packet. The satisfaction of buying my husband a Christmas present not with his own money will be a maje milestone!   
But, the guilt fairy peers over my shoulder on a daily basis at the moment:
“You’re leaving them y’know… They’ll be latch key kids drinking cider & smoking slims… What a juggle the holidays will be now, you selfish bitch…” 

But.

I’m ready to give this career thing a go. 
I think. (Self doubt will always linger won’t it?!)

I want to show my children that if you have a dream, you need to go for it. Embrace your ambition, no matter when it comes looking for you. Be brave, roll up your sleeves and get stuck in. 
But I am bricking it. Of course I am. I’d be lying if I was to give you the impression of taking this next step in my stride. It has been 11 years since I last stepped foot in a classroom. And then it was when I had nothing else to juggle, it was just text books and alcohol. (Hmm, Perhaps it won’t be all that different after all…!) 
For the first time in years I will be accountable to someone over 3 ft. 
What if my new classmates are all 10 years younger than me? 

What if I don’t understand a word I’m being taught? 

What if I hate it?



And so I come back to this: 


What if I fall? 


But my Darling, what if you fly

Posted by

I am a Muma to 2 little girls, aged 5 & 2. We are seaside dwellers, and I 'only work inside the house' according to my eldest. I love to share the funny side of parenting as well as boldly going where no right minded parents of toddlers would go: to restaurants. Seeking out the most child friendly joints and passing on my findings to all of you to enjoy! I'm basically blogging my way back to sanity!

5 thoughts on ““What if I fall?”  -“Oh but my darling, what if you fly?”

  1. Congratulations! I’m so pleased for you, your blog is brilliant and you definitely deserve a career in journalism! We all need to start somewhere and I have decided I love writing too so have also applied to local magazines recently. I’m a way behind you but am also secretly jealous! Have a great time getting drunk with your school friends, I mean revising for exams 😋 I’m sure you will do great.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s amazing, good for you! There are so many paths into journalism, I don’t think you are behind me at all. Check us out: Lois Lane eat ya heart out! Xxx

      Like

    1. Dawn you legend thank you so much for these words of encouragement! I’m not sure they are steel…!! Hehe. Sending love to you xxx

      Like

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