We’ve all been DUP’ed: The £1 Billion Farce.

It’s all a bit embarrassing really isn’t it? 

£1 billion 

There’s nothing like a bit of transparent corruption among friends is there. 

My husband once surprised me with a mini break, how lovely you might think. And lovely it was. However I couldn’t help but wonder where this stash of cash was when the washing machine had broken down the previous month. It had been a credit card job at the time – my husband had kept Schstum that he had been squirrelling much needed wonga under the mattress…

Do you see where I’m headed with this.

£1 billion

Our primary schools have been appealing against murderous cuts to its funding, screams of ‘We are at crisis point’ have been widely reported from head teachers, and thankfully splashed all over the press in recent months.  May did nothing.  Serving back pleas of austerity, and lack of coffers. Mock suprise over her face. 

We have all been told, just like a parent telling a pleading child who desparently wants the latest Hachimal, 

“We are broke, we have no money. Go fish!”

Ok we all said. We can’t have what we don’t got.

Well blow me down, as I switch on the news yesterday and there is our Wheat field runner of an PM – who I voted for, signing over £1 BILLION. 

£1 billion?

At first I thought the news anchor had said £1million in exchange for the support of the 10 DUP members of parliament.

My initial thought was, ‘Christ, lucky them! Money for nothing!’

But wait, what’s that you say? ‘One BILLION pounds’?! 

Dr Evil’s voice was immediately present- bellowing this figure around my head. Maybe there is a likeness between Austin Powers and Teressa that I hadn’t noticed before, although I can’t imagine her uttering ‘Shagtastic baby’. Or maybe this dark horse does, just for her Northern Irish BFF’s.

How happy did the 4 of them look! While May kept her demure face all poker, they practically skipped out of that signing press call. I didn’t even realise you could buy votes, or ‘support’. Now I’m no expert, but it sounds a teeny bit to me like CORRUPTION. 

Which brings me to my next point, a few weeks ago most of us had never even heard of the DUP. I’d voted conservative, albeit a vote I am beginning to sorely regret, not for a party which I had to google. Yet here they are running back to Northern Ireland, laden down with our cash. That’s 30% more funding per head than the rest of the United Kingdom – GMTV says so.

Cash we were told we didn’t have. 

So where’s it come from Tess? 

I’d love to know. I’m pretty sure Jeremy Hunt would like to know too. As one of the most hated MP’s ever thanks to his dictatorship over the NHS and junior Doctors, I’m pretty sure he would have loved access to this golden honey pot having towed the austerity line. 

Mrs May, you appear anything but your cheesy tag line ‘Strong and Stable’. I knew I had heard it somewhere before, but I couldn’t quite remember where. A few days ago I was grabbing my reusable bags for the lidl shop (Becasue, austerity), you’ll never guess what I saw… 

Tory slogan inspiration. I have a feeling Attenborough would argue elephants are more loyal, honest creatures however. 

At least you kept your job though eh Tess. I hear the welfare state isn’t all it used to be… 

Have you decided?

Have you ever taken part in a game of Tug-of-war? You know, the really rough kind, heels dug deep, desperately trying to pull the other team over to your side, at any cost… No? Me neither, rope burn isn’t my thing. However I do feel like I have complimentary front row tickets to the virtual Tug of war game to end all games: The EU Referendum.

Trying to get to grips and keep up to date with the latest scaremongering is a full time job. D-Cam’s latest has been to liken a Brexit outcome to putting a bomb under the British economy; that’s bloody scary, let’s be honest. We’ve been there done that just a few years back. I really don’t fancy seeing another P45 in our family. Turn the page and we see our floppy haired plummy friend claiming that actually a Brexit outcome would contribute an extra £2.4 billion a year to our economy… Maybe D-Cam was talking about a sparkly glitter bomb full of £50 notes going off under the economy then.

Untangling the web of words between the two camps has been harder than untangling my daughter’s hair on swimming night: Frustrating and time consuming, requiring a saint like amount of patience.

How does the girl next door make an educated decision on this? How do I, as a parent, make a decision that I can stand by; If, when my girls reach their 20’s and can’t get a job, unable to get onto the housing ladder and England has its begging bowl out, Greek style, I want to at least say I did try and foresee this shit storm. I voted for what I felt was the best option. I didn’t abstain, I didn’t glaze over when the conversation turned to the EU Referendum (chances of that in the playground are pretty slim yes I know…) I got amongst it and had my say!

I have simply decided to focus on which of the many issues raised by the big wigs would have the biggest impact on our family: and for us, that’s money. We don’t have much of it, and can’t really afford to risk shit hitting a sodding great British Isles sized fan.

So my vote will be to remain. * holds breath, hands over ears*

Risking my little girls childhoods being blighted by another recession is not an option for me– that’s the reason our first is here! We love to travel throughout Europe – well, go on a week’s holiday once a year, so not exactly throughout…but the ease of no visas, the reciprocal free healthcare and the promise of  tariff free mobile phone calls being rolled out later this year is good news for those who love a bit of Eurocamp.

Let’s be honest, do we really know enough about how those campaigning for OUT really plan to plug the drain of international businesses sodding off to one of the more attractive Single Market countries (jargon I picked up… you like?!). The pound has been at its most turbulent as the OUT campaign gathers pace, evidence this circus is already pissing on our parade.  I don’t believe that they would actually shore up the NHS with funds is desperately needs if the cool weekly sum of £350 mill was suddenly available, there would be some other need, some other trade agreement to fork out for. It’s like being a parent: at last your Toddlermonster qualifies for their 15 hours free nursery sessions after you have been paying for it for a year. Oh lovely, I think, that £120 I was paying out per month can now go towards Christmas. Christmas comes, money’s been spent on new tyres, replacing broken school shoes and a vet bill. Shit happens. Totally comparable scenarios right?!


Get involved, have you say, and VOTE. At least you will have earned the right to moan about the outcome if you do.

For the official IN campaign click HERE

For information from the Government’s official EU Referendum site click HERE

I couldn’t find an official BREXIT website so I have copied a few for you HERE and HERE